So, I put the baby in the crib naked, right? Immediate panic.


So here I am, four months pregnant, a little fatter, and a lot gassier.

Four months have come and gone faster than my students on the Friday before Spring Break. What the heck happened? How did I get here already? I had a little panic attack this weekend reaching Week 15 (baby is an orange!) and realizing I had no idea what I was doing and how I was supposed to be doing it. I keep hearing women tell me, “your mother’s instinct will kick in honey,” or “don’t worry. It will all be natural once the baby comes.” I, however, am less than certain this will be true. Point in case to follow:

Lonnie and I were home over Spring Break to visit family, announce our pregnancy at Passover (what better time to answer “Who knows nine?), and get a rapid tutorial in mothering from the two people I know who have children (my mother and my mother-in-law).

While browsing the aisles of Babies’R’Us with my mom, sister, and husband, we stopped alongside the cribs. I proudly announced to my family that I knew how to put a newborn to sleep. I had just learned about when to start Tummy Time (a no-no until they can flip themselves over, I hear). So, I proceed to declare babies sleep on their backs. With nothing in the crib. And they should be naked. My mom and sister look at me, laugh hysterically, then freak out that I will be 3,000 miles away giving birth to this poor child whose mom is probably going to put it in its crib totally naked and make it fend for itself. This is the extent of what I know about parenting, and so begins this adventure.

I will probably be the only woman whose maternal instinct decides to malfunction for the first three years of my baby’s life. Poor kid.

So here’s to my learning curve, which will truly be more of a right angle. I plan to blog my way through it to mask my sheer terror, and it may prove an amusing read for all you other naturally maternal mothers out there. Rawr!